Alien: Covenant (2017) – 5/10
Well, I’ll just start by saying that it’s a very high bar against which to measure any movie in the Alien franchise. While this sequel to Prometheus is better, it pales in comparison to the original two.
Visually interesting – Aesthetically compelling scenes: space, the alien planet, the ancient city and the interstellar ship.
Cra-cra android – Michael Fassbender does a competent job juxtaposing David’s ‘Hannibal’ like evil against Walter’s steadfast loyalty. As David, his search for ‘the creator’ and disdain for humanity leads to the origin of the alien we know and love so well. Just have to add that Walter’s American(?) accent sounds pretty phoney.
Stupid villagers/engineers – Let’s all gather in the town square where we’re really vulnerable and our entire civilisation can be destroyed. These are superior beings?
Pacing – No suspense, no slow build. The other alien movies seemed so much longer than this one because of the slow build and palpable tension. Covenant is frenetic and uncontrolled, like a pin ball game, bouncing off walls and bumpers. Directionless coupled with poor decision making.
Crew – Well, we just don’t care about them. Our hero (Jack McCoy’s daughter) is ok and it’s probably not fair to compare her to Ripley but I wanted more stature, more poise. And, didn’t she notice at the end of the movie that the wounds on ‘Walter’s’ face weren’t healing? Come on. But I guess she had been through a lot.
And while this is not a military operation, per se, you would think that the crew of an interstellar ship transporting 2000 colonists and 1000 human embryos would have some training in how to respond in a crisis situation. Seriously here’s how that initial scene on the lander unfolded . . . ‘oh I have to lock you in the med lab cause there’s something really dangerous going on; no you can’t come out and it doesn’t matter that I also have infected blood spatter on my face; oh my, things don’t look so good, I know, I’ll get a gun and open the door to the med lab to help; wow didn’t expect the situation to be so difficult to handle; whoops there goes the shuttle up in flames.’ Witness the little alien scampering away to wreak havoc on the rest of the crew.
The Alien – Really wanted the alien, newly birthed from Captain Oram’s chest, to don a top hat and start singing ‘hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime, summertime gal’. Now that’s a classic.