The Dressmaker (2015) 8/10
This movie took me by surprise. I had no idea that it was filmed in Australia and featured that quirky Aussie humour, the ‘it is what it is’ approach to hardship and the harsh, dry landscape that I love so much.
Kate Winslet is an elegant actress. She plays Tilly Dunnage. Tilly is from a speck of rural Australia and has a sense of fashion and design that is creative, bold and perfect.
Aussie talents are supporting players: hilarious and touching Hugo Weaving, batshit crazy (or is she?) Judy Davis is her mother, Liam Hemsworth is her constant love.
Loss, hilarity, revenge, adversity, triumph.
Donnie Darko (2001) – 9/10
This is the third . . . or tenth time I’ve seen Donnie Darko. After each viewing I feel off kilter, like I’m not firmly in this world anymore.
The Darkness (2016) – 1/10
Oh Kevin Bacon. I really do think you are a competent actor. Why do you make such bad acting choices?
Anyway. Watch out for the anasazi Indian spirits, especially if you take their rocks. You know, the rocks with the carvings in them that you found in the cave? You might get dirty handprints on your wall or your face or your bed covers. The water faucets may mysteriously turn on. Or the neighbour’s dog may get really angry at your teenage daughter.
Don’t try burning the wall in your bedroom where the inter-dimensional portal is growing. (I think they like that.) If you do set the wall on fire, just leave it all burnt and bubbly after the flame is doused. Move back into your room and stare at the wall some more.
But at least it brought the family back together. Cheatin’ Kevin saw the error of his ways and rescued his autistic son from an uncertain future with the evil spirits. The ones with the masks and long fingernails. Another plus is that they fixed the burnt wall on their way out.
The Door (Die Tür) 2009 – 7/10
Asking the perennial question: if given the chance to go back in time and right an egregious wrong, would you do it?
Why watch it: Mads Mikkelsen, the little girl, the unfolding fantasy story, creepy neighbour, the setting (creepy, suburban, large affluent houses, quiet), disturbing artwork, embracing the inter-dimensional door, character development.
Which raises the following: How many people have come over? When do people get to see the door? Is it only for people who have done something wrong and are contrite about it? What about the parents of the little girl at the end – they end up slitting their own throats, how can they cope with this ethical dilemma? Is Mads the only one who has come over with a conscience?
Don’t Breathe (2016) – 0/10
I don’t like the main characters, ok so they have a hard life but they steal from others and they intend to rob a blind man. The story takes a really stupid turn when we find the girl that the blind man is holding hostage. The walls are covered with mattresses and she is tied up in a really strange way. Oh! I get it now. She’s tied up like that so the blind man can use the turkey baster more efficiently. Who wrote this plot? How f’ing ridiculous – misogynistic scumbags. Don’t waste your time is a better title.
The Drownsman (2014) – 3/10
Low budget, small cast Canadian horror flick.
When a fear of water leads you to intravenous drinking, you’ve got a problem. No showers, no brushing teeth, no going to the toilet?
After a near death drowning experience, orphan Madison is so afraid of water she misses her best friend’s wedding because it’s raining. And the best friend comes and yells at her while she’s still in her wedding dress. Where is the groom in all this? Oh who cares.
An intervention leads to contact with the supernatural being ‘Sebastian’ who can pull intended victims through the smallest drop of water to his torture lab lair. And then kill them, drown them. Sebastian now sets his sights on Madison and her friends.
Sebastian’s origin story: spent too long in the womb listening to his mother’s heartbeat. Ahh, now it all makes sense.
A complicated twist reveals that Madison is Sebastian’s daughter spawned through a ‘dalliance’ with an intended victim. The experience, as it would, drives Madison’s mother insane. She spends her days sitting on a chair in a dark hospital room draped in thin plastic sheets. Interesting therapy.
A nod to ‘Freddie Krueger’ et al.
Deliver us from Evil (2014) – 2/10
Beware the Doors. Don’t go in any caves in Iraq. And never buy your child one of those spooky owl toys. Deliver us from Evil is based on a book written by the real life cop from the film, Ralph Sarchie, played by Eric Bana. But nothing in the movie is actually from the book. It’s an original story. Ralph’s radar for trouble gets him all that and more.
Mendoza!! No not McBain’s Mendoza. Father Mendoza converted to Catholicism and became a priest after waking naked in a pool of his own urine with a needle in his arm. He drinks and smokes and actually has a child but that’s ok cause he is a crusader against evil. He looks pretty cool in his leather jacket.
The poor, possessed victims are the only scary thing about this movie. Their mutilated bodies are horrific. Oh yeah and that owl toy. Directed by Scott Derrickson.